Become conscious of the value of conflict within your relationships. Conflict in Relationship Intelligence may be defined as any experience (or situation) in which you think or feel that you are cut from feeling valued. In such situations when you are feeling cut off from achieving your self-worth, you will deploy purposeful behaviour to defend your self-worth.
The purpose of you defending your self-worth is to restore your feelings of self-worth (to resume the disposition of your Valued Relating Style). In this situation the conflict is a vehicle which is intended to remove resistance to getting you to be where you want to be.
For example, A person with Green Relating Style, whose reports are criticised for being excessively detailed may respond in a Red Behaviour(Conflict) Style so that she wins the right to continue producing her detailed style of report in the future.When things are going well, people deploy their behaviour randomly. When experiencing conflict they deploy their behaviour in a sequence of styles.
An example may be,Red then Blue then finally Green. The implications of this approach are; each successive style brings on an increase in the urgency to regain self-worth -people can feel stressed in the final stage of conflict.The purpose of behaviour deployed in this example is firstly, to defend ownership of your basic value system and secondly, provided the opposition no longer exists,to bring about a return to the valued relating style. Become more aware of your relating styles and improve your relationships.
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